Give Me Some Good Roast Lines

🔥 Funny & Clever Roasts

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

You bring everyone so much joy — when you leave the room.

You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.

You look like a “before” picture.

I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.

You’re proof that even evolution takes breaks.

You have the perfect face for radio.

I’m jealous of people who haven’t met you.

I’d say you’re funny, but then I’d be lying.

You’re like a cloud — when you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.

💀 Savage Roasts

You have something on your neck — oh wait, it’s just your face.

You’re the human version of a typo.

You’re like a software update — every time I see you, I think “not now.”

I’d roast you, but you’d probably burn too fast.

You bring everyone together… to talk about you when you leave.

You have the confidence of someone who shouldn’t.

Your secrets are safe with me — I never listen when you talk.

You’re the reason they put directions on shampoo bottles.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

You have the range of a dial-up connection.

😏 Playful & Friendly Roasts

You’re like a cloud — soft, slow, and in the way.

I’d call you a tool, but even they serve a purpose.

Your phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

You’re the kind of person autocorrect gives up on.

You add so much to the room — mostly noise.

You’re like a Monday — nobody likes you, but we have to deal with you.

You’re proof that Wi-Fi signals aren’t the only thing that’s weak.

You’re like a participation award that learned to talk.

I’d call you sharp, but safety scissors are sharper.

You’re the kind of person who claps when the plane lands.

💬 Quick One-Liners Roasts

You look tired — of everything, especially effort.

You’re like a software bug that somehow became self-aware.

I’d call you extra, but there’s nothing special about you.

You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.

You remind me of a cloud — full of hot air and blocking the sun.

You’re like a puzzle with missing pieces — frustrating and pointless.

You must’ve been born on a highway — most accidents happen there.

Your spirit animal is a traffic cone.

You’re like an onion — people cry when they deal with you.

You’re like a phone with 1% battery and no charger in sight.

😬 Mild but Stinging Roasts

You have a very bright future — behind you.

I’d say you’re average, but that’d be an insult to averages.

You’re proof that not everyone deserves a spotlight.

You’re like a cloud storage plan — limited and forgettable.

You’re the reason shampoo bottles have instructions.

You could be replaced by a “404 Not Found” page.

You’re not dumb — you’re just not smart adjacent.

You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

I’d call you a mess, but that’s an insult to messes.

You’re living proof that practice doesn’t always make perfect.

🔪 Savage but Stylish Roasts 

You’re like a broken pencil — pointless.

You look like what happens when “try again” stops working.

You’re so dense, light bends around you.

You’re like a cloud — you drift, you block the view, and you eventually disappear.

You’re the human version of buffering.

You’re like a dollar store version of yourself.

You have the personality of a dial tone.

You’re like a software crash — unexpected, unwanted, and frustrating.

You bring nothing to the table — not even the table.

You could get lost in a one-room apartment.

🧊 Cold Roasts

You have something special — unfortunately, it’s a talent for being annoying.

You’re like a flashlight with no batteries.

You make onions cry.

You’re like Wi-Fi in the countryside — weak and unreliable.

You’re the reason aliens won’t visit us.

You have something on your face… oh, that’s just your face.

You’re like a bad haircut — takes forever to grow out.

You’re not the dumbest person alive, but you better hope they don’t die.

You’re like a keyboard without space — hard to deal with.

You’re 90% cringe and 10% confusion.

😂 Lighthearted Roasts

You’re the kind of person who reads the “Terms and Conditions.”

You have a lot of potential — for disappointment.

You’re like decaf coffee — looks fine but does nothing.

You’re the reason group chats go silent.

You’re the human version of airplane mode.

You’re about as useful as “reply all” in an email.

You’re like a rerun — I’ve seen this mistake before.

You’re living proof that Wi-Fi signals aren’t the only things that drop.

You’re the reason spell check was invented.

You’re like a selfie stick — no one really needs you.

🧠 Smart Comebacks Roasts

You’re like an algorithm that never converges.

You’re proof that entropy is real.

You’re like a beta version that should’ve stayed in testing.

You’re like a low-resolution image — unclear and unnecessary.

You could get outsmarted by a calculator.

You’re the human version of “error 404.”

You’re like a Boolean variable — always false.

You’re what happens when copy and paste go wrong.

You’re like a null pointer — pointing at nothing.

You’re the result of an unfinished if-statement.

😈 Short & Deadly Roasts

You’re forgettable — like a pop-up ad.

You’re like a sneeze — loud, sudden, and unwanted.

You’re not even wrong; you’re irrelevant.

You’re like a coin toss — mostly disappointing.

You’re like background noise — constant and irritating.

You’re the plot hole of your own life story.

You’re like a password hint that says “try again.”

You could trip over a wireless signal.

You’re like a rumor — annoying and unnecessary.

You’re the reason silence was invented.